WHAT’S UP CONFESSORS….I know your chomping at the bit, just dying to read this confession. So I won’t delay the process with a lot of unnecessary chit chat. Today’s confession comes to us from New York and a lady calling herself Cyndi wrote this….
Hi Carol, first off can I say I am a HUGE fan of your website, I think it’s great that you’re offering people the opportunity to admit to their wrong doings and the “ADVICE” you give is always fair and constructive. I hope that you will treat my confession in the same way.
I was in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I loved very much. After 12 years together he finally asked me to marry him, I was the happiest woman alive. He gave me a beautiful diamond ring and I felt blessed and grateful to have everything I ever wanted in life. I threw myself into planning our wedding with great enthusiasm and I organised a small but very tasteful wedding.
As the date grew closer I became more and more excited and I could not wait to become Mrs…… Little did I know my world was about to crumble. Just two days before our wedding my fiancé informed me that he was in love with one of his work colleagues and could not marry me. Needless to say I was devastated. I refused to leave home for over a month and hardly got out of bed during that time. My world had ended as far as I was concerned.
Fast forward two years and I had finally put my feelings about my ex aside and began getting on with my life. Soon after I met a nice guy. I was not willing to jump into a serious relationship so we kept it casual and was seeing each other for about 18 months. Around that time I went to my doctor for my usual annual health check and it was then that I received the worst news a human being could get. I was diagnosed HIV positive.
I sunk into a major depression and eventually had to seek counselling. When I finally got the strength to confront the guy I was seeing he accused me of infecting HIM. Carol I swear to GOD I did not infect him, it was the other way around. By that point I was really beyond caring, all I knew was that I was too young to die.
A few months later I was at the supermarket with my mom, we walked out of the door and literally bumped into my ex fiancé. We were both shocked as it was the first time we had seen each other since our break-up. I managed to collect myself and say hello, he looked me straight in the eyes and turned and walked away without saying a word. I was so angry, all of the feelings that I thought I had gotten rid of came bubbling back up to the surface and if it wasn't for my mom I would of ran after him. I wanted to shout and scream and break things. I have never experienced such rage before.
Anyhow some time passed and one Saturday night my best friend talked me into going to a nightclub with her. I went along unwillingly but who should I see at the bar drinking with his buddies but my ex finance. It was obvious that he had been drinking heavily and when he saw me he hugged me and began saying how sorry he was for hurting me. I felt nothing but disgust and anger and betrayal but I told him I forgave him and we began drinking and dancing together.
At the end of the night I asked him if he wanted a ride home, my friend tried to dissuade me but all I could think of was how I could hurt him like he had hurt me. I drove him to my place and asked him to come in for a drink at first he said he didn't think it was a good idea but it didn't take much for me to convince him.
Soon after we were making out and he told me how much he missed me and that he had not enjoyed sex with any other woman as much as he enjoyed it with me. I was appalled but it was at that moment that I knew what I was going to do. I led him to the bedroom and began undressing him. Soon we were naked and he was telling me he had condoms in his wallet, I told him I was still a good girl and that he didn't need a condom with me. He didn't argue and we had sex.
The next day he did not awaken till almost midday and when he did wake up his first words were to tell me what a mistake it was to sleep with me. I told him it was OK because his mistake would cost him his life, and I told him I was positive.
At first he did not believe me but I showed him one of the letters I received from the hospital and he went berserk. He began shouting and screaming at me and I just laughed hysterically in his face. Doing so just made him even worse and he slapped me across my face. I screamed and told him to get out and he left, I have not seen him since that morning.
Later I heard through the grapevine that somehow by the grace of GOD he tested negative. But he posted my picture on Facebook along with my name, warning his male friends to stay away from me because I was positive and tried to infect him. Now EVERYONE knows my status.
I could not take all of the hatred that was directed at me after that, even my best friend disowned me and I have since moved back down south with my parents. I don’t have a friend in the world. I am so lonely and I’m going to die…I’m only 30 years old.
I pray that one day my friends and my ex will forgive me for what I did but somehow I doubt that will happen. So now I just focus on surviving as long as I can and hope that when it’s my time to leave this earth the father will not be too harsh in his judgment of me.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to confess my sins.
Yours is a sad sad story Cyndi and I truly hope you will find peace one day.
What you did was almost beyond words, it was contemptible, disgraceful and lower than low. But let’s put this into perspective. Your ex-boyfriend has basically taken your life and his doing so has obviously left you bitter and rather twisted in your thinking. This I can fully understand! There is nothing that I can say except he should be tarred, feathered and strung up by his testicles for infecting you.
The same could be said of you. You were consumed with rage but you took your rage out on the wrong person. If you wanted to exact revenge it should have been directed at the man who gave you this awful disease. HE is the one who should have been your target, not your ex-fiancé. He broke your heart but your ex-boyfriend took your life and that in my humble opinion is far far worse.
I am relieved beyond words to know that your ex-fiancé tested negative, it is indeed by the grace and mercy of the father. I hope you understand how close you came to spending the rest of your life in prison. As for him posting your status on Facebook, part of me wants to say that was wrong but if I think about how I would react to someone deliberately trying to infect me with HIV, I think I too would have issued a warning to my friends to stay clear of a person like that.
You need help Cyndi, I am glad you sent your confession in because it tells me that you do at least understand the gravity of what you did and you do feel remorse for your actions. I do want you to know that although you are HIV positive you do still have some things to be grateful for.
Be grateful that…..
- You do not have to live with the knowledge that YOU took someone’s life.
- You still have the love and support of your family.
- You realize the error of your ways.
- That with the advancements in medication for those living with HIV there is a good chance you can still live a relatively long life.
I would suggest that if you are no longer receiving counselling that you do so again. There are a great many issues you need to work through if you are going to be able to live out your life productively. I find that helping others is a great way to take your mind off your own issues. Perhaps you could mentor others living with HIV or get involved with some local charities. I believe doing some good in the world will help you to forgive yourself.
I pray that you are able to find a way to live a contented and peaceful life.
Many blessings to you.
So Folks….What Do You Think?
Burn in hell forever for what she tried to do?
Should she be pitied and forgiven?
Or should she be made to remain a friendless outcast?
LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENT BOX BELOW!!!