It’s CONFESSION time again! This morning I dipped into
my ever expanding bag of confessions and pulled out a gem from the country of
my residence, beautiful Barbados. The lady in question gave no alias for me to
use so I have taken the liberty of making up a name for her. We shall call her
“Spitts”. Hehehehe, ok, no, let’s not. Let’s call her Janice, and she wrote
This thing has been bothering me for a while now and I
really want to confess it and clear my conscious. I know that God don’t be
sleeping and I would like to publicly apologize for my actions and hope that
the lord will forgive me.
My mother-in-law is a tyrant. From the day she met me she
made it clear that she did not think I was good enough for her precious
son. For so many years I have put up with
this woman’s abuse. The sarcasm, the insults and the constant condemnation of
everything I do has left me feeling very bad about myself. I used to be a strong confident person but
bit-by-bit my mother-in-law has chipped away at my self-esteem and left me
feeling worthless. Last Christmas I simply could not take it anymore and it all
came to a head.
I love Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year, and
although I knew that as usual my mother-in-law would invite herself to our home
for Christmas lunch I was determined to have a good time.
I cooked up a real feast that day, Turkey, ham, roast pork,
fish, jug-jug, pie, stuffing, green peas and rice, sweet potato pie and more,
you name it, I cooked it Christmas day. I even made eggnog and sorrel drink
too. I invited my brother and sisters, and my husband’s siblings also. When
everyone arrived they were all ‘wow-ed’ by the feast I had prepared and I was
showered with compliments. But as usual, as soon as that woman arrived she
began to criticize my efforts with comments like…. “Oh turkey is so dry, and pork is too fatty, macaroni pie is so
unhealthy”, and on and on she went.
My husband and his sister did their best as always to
deflect her criticisms and make light of them, but it was Christmas day and I
had made a supreme effort to make everything wonderful for my friends and
family, and then to have this sour faced, miserable, old sow looking in my face
and insulting everything she could see, well it was just too much for me to
Somehow I managed to quiet the hurricane that was whirling
inside of me and I asked my mother-in-law if she would like some pumpkin soup
instead. With everyone starring at her I think even she felt too embarrassed to
say no after refusing all of the food I had prepared. So she conceded by saying
“oh yes, I suppose that would do”.
I stormed into the kitchen and I flew around with pots and
knives and vegetables like lightening, and before you could wink your eye I had
finished the soup. I was about to pour it into a bowl when my mother-in-law walked
into the kitchen and said “I don’t feel I
want soup anymore, I will just have a little of that rice and turkey you
cooked, never mind the turkey is so dry”.
I am sure you can imagine just how I felt? I stood there
just allowing all the anger I felt for that woman consume me. I was mad as
hell. I paced up and down the kitchen, I wanted to shout and scream and throw
things about but then I remembered I had quests and my own mother had always
taught me to be a good host. So I walked up to my mother-in-law and as calmly
as I could I told her that the soup was finished and if she did not eat it I
would scold her with it. I guess she realized I was not joking because she
turned and walked out of the kitchen.
I have never been so angry in my entire
life. I think at that moment, 16 years of insults and criticism just made
something inside me snap. I walked over to the soup bowl I had put out, I
picked it up and snorted as hard as I could and spat in the bowl. I then poured
the hot soup on top and stirred it up. I walked into the dining room and place
the soup in front of my mother-in-law and sat down at the other end of the
table to eat.
I watched with great satisfaction as she drank every drop of
that soup. “Got ya, yuh bitch”.
At the time I did not feel bad about what I did but as time
has passed I realise that it was not the best way to handle the situation.
Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it now so I am writing to you Carol
in the hope that by owning up to what did, somehow I can gain forgiveness.
Buhahahahaaa, OMG, Janice you bad!! And it seems you cook a
proper Christmas lunch girl. You pulled a sick one Janice. God bless
But you know, as a professional chef, I always tell people,
if you go to a restaurant and you have to complain about your food, do so as
politely as possible because you just do not know what goes on behind closed
But that aside, having someone constantly chip away at your
self-esteem is one of the slowest forms of torture a person can experience. I
have personally watched a good friend of mine, a vibrant, beautiful,
intelligent woman resort to stuffing herself with food until she reached over
400lbs because of a mother-in-law from hell. I have also been on the receiving
end of constant criticism, so trust me when I say that I fully understand how
And as per usual the sixty four million dollar question is….would
I of spat in her food?
NOOOOOO!!! Absolutely not! The chef in me would not allow me
to tamper with another person’s food in such a horrible way. Would I of cursed
her till the cows come home? Without hesitation!
However, I am a woman with self-esteem intact. The same
cannot be said for you Janice. When a person has low self-esteem they feel
victimized and powerless. It is as though every single person in the world is
more powerful than them, and a person who feels powerless can only act in a
The more positive thing for you to have done would have been
to give your mother-in-law a mouthful. Anger is a step up the emotional scale
from despair and self-pity. But it was already too late for you to curse her.
You did not wake up Christmas morning with low self-esteem; it had been
creeping up on you for years. And it was only when you found yourself spitting
into the soup bowl of your oppressor did you have the opportunity to see what
you had allowed yourself to become.
This may sound harsh Janice but you ALLOWED yourself to
become the person you became. It is not your mother-in-laws fault. People
cannot make us do or react in a way we do not want to. It is human nature to
point a finger and say, ‘that person made me so mad’. Or it’s her fault I spat
in her soup. But the reality is you had a choice. We all have choices. And no
person outside of ourselves is to blame for the choices we make. That is done solely
on our own.
Janice, as you live in Barbados so I would suggest that you
take a trip into Bridgetown. Go to Jenns health store and Cave Shepherd and see
if they have any books on building self-esteem. Also search online for more tips.
You could also think about taking a course either online of off.
You gave away your power to your mother-in-law Janice, it’s
time for you to take it back, and there’s no time like the present.
So what do you think folks?
Was Janice wrong/right?
What can she do to turn her life around?
Tell us what you think in the comment bow below, as always
we look forward to hearing from you.