Whether or not to abort a child is a decision that I would not wish upon any woman. I believe it is by far one of the most difficult choices any woman can make. And unfortunately for the lady that wrote to us from sunny St Lucia her situation is doubly difficult. I hope you will read this story with an open mind and do not be quick to judge or condemn this lady as she has a terrible choice to make. I salute Nikkita for writing to us as it could not have been easy, she wrote this…

Hi Carol

Please will you put my letter on your website because I am desperately in need of some help? I just found out a couple of weeks ago that I am pregnant. I have to say this was a shock to me because my boyfriend had told me that he had a vasectomy two years before I met him. When I told him I was pregnant he went crazy and insisted that I have an abortion. He says he wants nothing to do with the child and if I keep it I will have to raise it without him because he will not be sticking around.

I am so shocked and hurt by his behavior  I knew that he didn't want kids he told me this when we first met. He said he had the vasectomy because of a hereditary medical condition that he could potentially pass on to any child he fathered. So not only am I pregnant but if I keep the child it could be born with some rare bone disorder that could render the child paralyzed. I am so confused. I am fully able to raise the child alone as I have a good job, a nice home and a supportive family but should I bring a child into the world knowing full well that not only will it be fatherless but it will also be physically challenged?

I love my boyfriend and part of me wants very much to keep him, but how can I be with someone so cruel and hurtful. But on the other hand how can I fault him for not wanting to bring a child into the world to suffer from day one? Please tell me what to do, I’m completely lost.

Thanks

Nikkita

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Nikkita you are in a truly horrible position. My first gut reaction is to tell you to not let any man force you into doing something with YOUR body that you do not want to do. However, yours is not a straight forward case. If you do choose to keep your baby you will be bringing the child with an emotional handicap and a physical one. 

So I think the best thing for you to do is sit down and write out the pros and cons of keeping your baby and whichever comes out on top you go with. I know that may sound like an over-simplification but at the end of the day, whichever direction you go in is going to be life altering for you. Let’s look at this a little more closely….

If You Keep the Baby….

You will lose your boyfriend

Your baby will be raised without a father

Your baby may be physically challenged

Your baby may not survive.

If You Terminate….

You will keep your boyfriend

You will be emotionally scarred

You will resent your boyfriend

Your relationship may not last

Looking at these pros and cons one thing is abundantly clear to me and that is….

There are NO guarantees no matter what!

There is no guarantee your baby will inherit the bone disorder; there is no guarantee that your boyfriend will remain against the baby once it is born. There is no guarantee your relationship will last if you terminate. So what it really comes down to is one simple question…. Can you live with yourself if you terminate?

I will pray for you Nikkita and it is my greatest wish that you make this decision based on what is best for YOU! Oh and do not let your boyfriend blind you with that bullshit about you being alone. There are laws in place to make sure that he supports the child at least financially.

Love Always

Carol xoxo