As time passes it is becoming increasingly clear to me that
a great deal of black women are facing issues concerning sex. In the short time
since the birth of this blog I have received countless emails from women
outlining the various challenges they are facing in the bedroom. So if you as
one of our most treasured readers are wondering why the confessions are mostly
on the topic of sex of late, it is simply because it is the most common
problem.
My aim with this blog is to give women an opportunity to
voice their problems without fear of recrimination. To protect the “innocent”
all of our stories are posted anonymously and all of the information that I
receive is kept under the strictest confidence. So women feel comfortable
enough to speak about the things that bother them the most, and I do my best to
offer humorous but objective and useful opinions on the problem at hand, but I
am more interested in getting you our loyal readers involved.
The idea is to
develop a community of women who can share with each other, support each other
and help and heal one another, and of course have a laugh along the way. And as
I said the biggest issue appears to be sex.
So without further ado let us get to today’s story which
comes to us all the way from Melbourne Australia, how cool is that? There is a particularly sensitive issue
Marsha is having a problem with and she wrote this….
Hi Carol
I was so glad when I came across you on Twitter; I have had
a problem for quite some time and I just did not know who to talk to about it.
I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends as I feel they would think I am a
complete moron. My mom would not understand and my sister would probably laugh
until she pee-d herself.
I am seeing a fantastic guy, we have been together for just
over two years and I do believe he is the one. Sex with my boyfriend is really
great for me but I fear it is not so great for him. The thing is like most men
my boyfriend loves oral sex but I just cannot bring myself to do it. Every time
I try, as soon as it goes in my mouth I feel like I want to throw up and start
heaving.
The thing I do not understand is it’s not like I have never done it
before because I have. When I was much younger I was dating a guy and I used to do it all the time
with him, but I have found that as I have gotten older for some reason I have
developed this unnatural aversion to oral sex.
I have spoken to my boyfriend about it quite a few times and
he tells me not to worry and that it is not a deal breaker with him. He said he
does like oral sex but I do not then it’s fine with him. Carol I know how much
most men love a blow job, and I am scared that if he is not getting it from me
then eventually he will get it elsewhere. Please could you tell me what you
think, I do not want to lose him, he is the most loving and wonderful man I
have ever dated and I love him.
Sincerely
Marsha.
****
Honestly speaking Marsha, yours is a very common problem. I
have heard this so many times from so many different women. The first thing
that comes to my mind is, if you love and trust your boyfriend then you have to
believe him and take him at his word. If he tells you it is not a deal breaker
then you have to trust that. If you cannot and you allow your own insecurity to
surface you will constantly be tortured by the thought of him straying or
leaving you and this can lead to obsessive compulsive behavior and trust me
you do not want to go there. You will drive yourself crazy and eventually start
driving him crazy.
On the other hand, you mentioned that you used to perform
oral sex but you have developed a distaste for it as you have gotten older. Did
something happen with one of your boyfriends that put you off? Is there
something from your past that is causing this negative physical reaction?
Perhaps it’s time to face whatever it is that has put you off. But if there
really is no reason for it then you must believe your boyfriend and have faith
in the feelings you have for one another and do not waste another moment
agonizing over a non-existent problem.
***
Over to you folks!!!
Should Marsha try to get over her aversion to oral sex?
Should she forget it and continue to make sure that the rest
of their sex life is good?
Or should she gobble up that dick and forget about it making
her feel sick?
Let Us Know, In the Box BELOW.
Peace
Carol xoxo
Maybe she has to take it slow. The boyfriend was told and seems to accept that she does not like it any more, but 99.9% men do and if she tells him, she would be willing to try to get over the aversion, he will definitely do anything to help. Also, if he is as nice as she said he is, he would be patient and will let her take it at her own pace. So: Maybe she should concentrate at first on just licking his penis, not putting the entire thing in her mouth. She can follow it up with a BJ (get him to help you do it at first, if you are not good at it.) Then, if she can get that done, she can move to just sucking on the head, rather than putting the entire penis in her mouth. Then follow that up with a bj...Maybe eventually she will be able to get the entire thing in her mouth without wanting to retch. It calls for the boyfriend to be REALLY patient though, and for her to honestly WANT to make it work and try hard at making and enjoying the effort.
AngelM you missed your calling, you should have definitely been a sex therapist. I agree with what you said about making the effort to try to overcome her aversion slowly, but I also think there may be other factors to consider, like emotional trauma. The reaction she has to conducting fellatio is such a strong one that there has to be a cause for it and I feel she has to face that cause before she can take the plunge with her boyfriend.